I love how honest and raw this is, Claire! Thank you for sharing it. The concept that the only way out is through really resonates for me, and has certainly proven true for me as well. Kudos on a beautiful piece of writing and for your courage in facing life head-on ◡̈
"Because the only way to change is to keep going, keep walking through the fire, until one day you notice—finally, mercifully—you don’t feel the burn in the same way you used to. And when you look back, you realise it wasn’t the fire that destroyed you. It was the fear of facing it."
Only way is through but trying to embrace identity change is kind of a self death.
Hi Claire! this feels like a wrestling match between fear and grit, and you pinned it down with beautifully (ha)
The bit about TED cracked me up. Half a mortgage payment for self-help homework? Relatable tragically 😭 But what hits hardest is your clarity about the fire: that it’s not the enemy, just the way through
Thank you for making fear feel less alien and more human; it’s a reminder that sitting with it, while excruciating, means survival
Maybe writing and sharing this itself is another form of exposure therapy for you, and if so, I want to say thank you for raising the bar on storytelling with this kind of skill and courage Claire. The bravest storytelling is always the most inspiring and useful to everyone else. The story itself was expertly told, but if I found your crafting of the crowning message exceptionally useful.
"Fear moves quietly, stealing moments, opportunities, and years. It convinces you that avoiding discomfort is survival, but the truth is that nothing grows in the safety of avoidance.
Changing this mindset demands everything you’ve been running from—every scream you’ve stifled, every instinct you’ve avoided. It doesn’t coddle or wait; it drags you forward or leaves you behind. The fire you fear isn’t the enemy. It’s the path through. And here, today, I’m far from finished.
My life hasn’t transformed overnight. The fear still lingers, ready to claw at me, but I don’t run as often. I sit with it—and survive.
Because the only way to change is to keep going, keep walking through the fire, until one day you notice—finally, mercifully—you don’t feel the burn in the same way you used to. And when you look back, you realise it wasn’t the fire that destroyed you. It was the fear of facing it."
“You always have a choice.” - love this. So true. The lack of an apparent good choice doesn’t mean there is no choice. Appreciate you sharing this story. Def prompted some self reflection.
“Real transformation is choosing to confront the pain that the fear brings.” So simple but so true. Sometimes the fear is worse than the imagined pain we’re avoiding. Great essay, Claire!
I appreciate you sharing this very personal story and being vulnerable on the internet. This spoke to me the most:
“ I avoided the work because I didn’t believe I could face the pain of it. It felt easier to sit on the sidelines, waiting for a cure, hoping change would be “done to me.” But somewhere between sitting in that room and reading that book, I realised that this was my chance. If not now, then when?”
I held the exact same internal logic but related to solving depression. I thought someone would help me do it but realized a decade later how to do it for myself. Well done, and inspiring.
…feeling every piece of this…great share…thank you!…
That fear is a demon for sure
the more light you shine on it the less scary it looks
I love how honest and raw this is, Claire! Thank you for sharing it. The concept that the only way out is through really resonates for me, and has certainly proven true for me as well. Kudos on a beautiful piece of writing and for your courage in facing life head-on ◡̈
Thanks Rachel, appreciate you reading – and glad it resonated in some way :)
"Because the only way to change is to keep going, keep walking through the fire, until one day you notice—finally, mercifully—you don’t feel the burn in the same way you used to. And when you look back, you realise it wasn’t the fire that destroyed you. It was the fear of facing it."
Only way is through but trying to embrace identity change is kind of a self death.
Deserves a few re-reads
Self death – love that. Ending one version to start another. Epic observation Ved
Hi Claire! this feels like a wrestling match between fear and grit, and you pinned it down with beautifully (ha)
The bit about TED cracked me up. Half a mortgage payment for self-help homework? Relatable tragically 😭 But what hits hardest is your clarity about the fire: that it’s not the enemy, just the way through
Thank you for making fear feel less alien and more human; it’s a reminder that sitting with it, while excruciating, means survival
Thanks for reading. Sure is a wrestling match – and a bloody painful one at times!
Maybe writing and sharing this itself is another form of exposure therapy for you, and if so, I want to say thank you for raising the bar on storytelling with this kind of skill and courage Claire. The bravest storytelling is always the most inspiring and useful to everyone else. The story itself was expertly told, but if I found your crafting of the crowning message exceptionally useful.
"Fear moves quietly, stealing moments, opportunities, and years. It convinces you that avoiding discomfort is survival, but the truth is that nothing grows in the safety of avoidance.
Changing this mindset demands everything you’ve been running from—every scream you’ve stifled, every instinct you’ve avoided. It doesn’t coddle or wait; it drags you forward or leaves you behind. The fire you fear isn’t the enemy. It’s the path through. And here, today, I’m far from finished.
My life hasn’t transformed overnight. The fear still lingers, ready to claw at me, but I don’t run as often. I sit with it—and survive.
Because the only way to change is to keep going, keep walking through the fire, until one day you notice—finally, mercifully—you don’t feel the burn in the same way you used to. And when you look back, you realise it wasn’t the fire that destroyed you. It was the fear of facing it."
That's all going on my wall.
“You always have a choice.” - love this. So true. The lack of an apparent good choice doesn’t mean there is no choice. Appreciate you sharing this story. Def prompted some self reflection.
“Real transformation is choosing to confront the pain that the fear brings.” So simple but so true. Sometimes the fear is worse than the imagined pain we’re avoiding. Great essay, Claire!
I appreciate you sharing this very personal story and being vulnerable on the internet. This spoke to me the most:
“ I avoided the work because I didn’t believe I could face the pain of it. It felt easier to sit on the sidelines, waiting for a cure, hoping change would be “done to me.” But somewhere between sitting in that room and reading that book, I realised that this was my chance. If not now, then when?”
I held the exact same internal logic but related to solving depression. I thought someone would help me do it but realized a decade later how to do it for myself. Well done, and inspiring.
Thanks so much for reading. Sounds like an incredible journey to solve depression in that way, amazing to hear that.